This is a song lyric parody of the song by Eminem of the same name. I wrote it quite some time ago. WARNING: The below lyrics contain some occasional harsh expletives.

Chorus: Cultist's girlfriend

My head is frozen to the core and I have lost my soul.
Eldritch forces dance around me and I can't stay sane at all.
And all I see is the great dark sea, and the city that lies beneath
I feel you trapped inside, trapped inside...

Dear Cthulthu, I sent my thoughts out but you still ain't hearing them, I think.
I sent my ward, my cell, and the name of my shrink.
I sent two prayers back in autumn, you must not-a got em.
It's probably the padded cell blocking out my brainwaves or something.
Sometimes I just write symbols on the walls with my own crap
but anyways; fuck it, whssup? How's Dagon? - He's Phat!
My girlfriend's pregnant too, One of your deep one servants is the father.
If I have a son, guess what I'm a call him?
I'ma name him Wilbur.
I read about Insmouth too, I'm sorry.
I had a friend sell his soul to Hastur but it didn't want him, not to worry.
I know you probably hear this everyday, but I'm your biggest fan.
I even got made a statue of you from the bones of my old man.
I got the necronomicon too, wat was wrote by that mad arab man.
I read the shit about Ryleh, that shit was phat!
Anyways, I hope you get this man, think me back, just to drive me mad, truly yours, your biggest fan.
This is Stan.

(Chorus: Cultists Girlfriend)

Dear Cthulhu, you still ain't sent me a dream, I hope you heard my whispers.
I ain't mad - I just think it's FUCKED UP you don't answer worshipers.
If you didn't wanna talk during my cruise in the pacific you didn't have to, but you coulda sunk the ship!
I sat on the deck and prayed up a storm.
I waited in the blistering sun for you for four hours and got so forlorn.
That's pretty shitty man - you're suppost to be a fucking god.
I want to be down there with you man, up here I just get bored.
I ain't that mad though, I just don't like being ignored.
Remember when I drempt of you - you said I'd be your slave and you would come for me - see I'm your servant in every way.
I can think of nothing greater if you chewed on my ex wife and ate her.
I can relate to what they're saying in THOSE books I used to buy say "about how some things aint that dead, they just eternal lie.
'Cause I don't really got shit else so that shit helps when I'm depressed.
I even got a reversed elder sign tattooed on my chest.
Sometimes I even cut up victims to see how much they bleed.
It's easy to dispose of them, My dog will never die from lack of a feed.
See everything in those books is real, and I worship you cause you're part of it.
My girlfriend's scared cause the baby is given her pain.
But she don't know what she's got growing inside her, no one does.
She don't know what it will be like when the thing grows up.
You gotta send me a dream man, I'll be the biggest fan you'll ever lose.
Sincerely yours, Stan -- P.S. We should be together too.

(Chorus: Cultists girlfriend)


Dear Mister-I'm-Too-Busy-Being-A-Goey-Octopoidal-Monstrosity-To-Mind-Meld-With-My-Fans, this'll be the last thought I ever send your ass.
It's been six months and still no reply - I don't deserve it?
I know you got my last two dream sendings; I performed the proper rituals perfect.
So this is my dream-thought I'm sending you, I hope you hear it.
I'm in the car right now, I'm doing 90 on the freeway.
I killed my shrink, an' escaped from the asylum when he refused to free me.
You know the song by Eminem, 'Stan' say "about that singer who who coulda saved that other guy from killing himself but didn't, then he read all his letters, but it was too late?
That's kinda how this is, you coulda taken me by drowning.
Now it's too late - I'm losing my faith now, I feel so lowsy and all I wanted was a lousy dream sending an all.
I hope you know I scrubbed out ALL of those symbols I etched on my cell wall.
I loved you Cthulhu, we coulda been together, think about it.
You ruined it now, I hope you continue to sleep and you dream forever.
And your crappy city stays under the sea forever.
I hope your consciouness fades and you can't awake without me.
See Cthulh... (Girfriend Crying Cthulhu Ftang!)
Shut up bitch! I'm trying to talk!
Hey Cthulhu, that's my girlfriend - she's lost her marbles.
I'm taken her to a doctor, see we're through with you.
She's gonna get counselling and an abortion for her deep one brat too.
Well, gotta go, I'm gonna change my name to Norman, throw out all those forbidden texts and then become a mormon!

(Chorus: Cultists Girlfriend)


Dear Stan, I meant to send you a dream sooner but I just been busy.
You said your girlfriend's pregnant with one of my servants, how far along is she?
Look, I'm really flattered you would call your son that, and here's a mythos spell for you to use against your captors, I hope it helps you escape.
I'm sorry I didn't send you the first dream, you musta picked up on my mind.
If I'd of known wou were on that cruise ship I'd have sunk it.
But sayin shit like I ignore my followers is just plain wrong.
I say that shit shows lack of faith, c'mon - show your master true respect.
You got some issues Stan, I think you need some nightmares or something to send your mind over the edge and further toward enslavement.
And what's this shit about us meant to be together?
You're a puny piece of shitt and I'm a god, brother!
I really think you and your girlfriend need to worship me together or maybe you just need to sacrifice her sister.
I hope you comprehend this thought sending, I just hope it reaches you in time before you lose your faith, I don't want your mind to stray away from mine.
If you scream and rave a little, I'm glad I make you fear me you but Stan why aren't you completely mad? Try to understand, that I do want you as a fan.
I just don't want you to regain any sanity real quick.
I felt some bad stuff about a follower a couple weeks ago that made me sick.
Some dude got out of an aslylum and then became a mormon and put his girlfriend in his car, and she was pregnant with a deep one and took her to the doctor, and gave her an abortion too.
Come to think about, the guys name was.. it was you.